In the Doghouse Outtake

We left Carlisle and Esme's room around eleven o'clock, about a half hour after Alexis fell asleep. I couldn't get over the fact that Renee was in Washington, she was staying in the same hotel and I drove in a car with her. Yes, I listened but I didn't respond to any of her questions.

In the past, I remember imagining how I'd handle the situation and it was nothing like what happened. There was more screaming and I'd stomp off like a petulant child. I guess the way I actually handled things showed that I'd grown over the past ten years or maybe the hurt was slowly starting to fade away? I didn't know, but I did know that there were a lot of words that still needed to be said.

I also needed to talk to Edward about the secret he kept from me for too many months. I wanted to discuss the issue with him more at the house but with Charlie, Phil and Renee in the same vicinity, it wasn't possible. And the more time I had to think about the day's events the more I realized I let him off too easily. My nerves and stress over the conversation and meeting with Renee pushed all the anger towards Edward to the back burner.

Once back in our room, I washed my face, put on my pajamas and sat on the sofa next to the roaring fire, enjoying the heat radiating from it. As usual, I felt his presence in the room before I actually saw him, the electricity crackling around us.

He took a seat next to me, draping his arm over the back cushions and stared; I pulled my knees up to my chest, curling my feet under my bottom and sighed. We sat in silence for a few minutes. He must have known the conversation was coming because he kept running his left hand through his locks, dropping it to his lap and then doing it again.

"Okay, you've been quiet for the majority of the night which means something is on your mind and you're upset. Talk to me," he requested.

"You're right. You know me too well, at least I like to think so. After today, I'm not as sure."

 He sighed as he took my hand and pulled me into his lap.

"Don't say that, Bella," he responded, the hurt evident in his voice.

"I know you meant well, you always do when you do things like this, but why do you always think you know what's best for me? Don't you think that I know that? I mean did you even consider my feelings when you planned this surprise? Because I think it was really inconsiderate of you to spring them on me at the house, knowing I couldn't go anywhere."

"It's not like…" he started but I placed my hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Let me finish." I slowly dropped my hand to my lap, sliding it between my legs. "I know I'm no angel when it comes to keeping secrets from you. I kept the one about James for a long time, but I thought after that situation," I swallowed, trying not to bring up those images. "We promised each other that we'd always be honest. No more surprises that would make one of us angry. And, Edward, you pissed me off today. You've known for two months that she was coming and you never thought once to tell your fiancé? All those times I kept complaining about some random number calling me, you didn't think to mention 'Oh, Bella, that could be your mom calling. By the way, I invited her to the wedding'? None of that crossed your mind?" I questioned, my voice rising.

"It did…everytime."

"Then why didn't you say something? I'm about to become your wife. It's not good to start our new life off like this."

"Because she still had the option to back out and believe me she thought about it plenty. At least twice a week I'd get a phone call from her telling me they were coming and then they weren't coming. Renee tried to come up with any excuse. She was scared, scared of how'd you react, scared she'd ruin your wedding, scared too much time had passed. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to get your hopes up."

"And what made you think I'd be disappointed? I haven't mentioned her once through this whole process," I asked, still baffled.

"You miss her. You haven't mentioned her once that's true, but I saw you."

I searched his eyes, hoping they'd tell me what he was talking about, but I got nothing. I looked at him, confused.

"It was in January, you'd picked up your dress that day and I'd just come home from work. I was calling for you, but you didn't answer. I found you in the office looking at a photo album and your back was to me. I watched you swipe your cheek and then sniffle. I left you to be after I witnessed that. The wheels in my mind started moving because I knew that album. I'd seen it once before when we were unpacking. I asked you about it after examining it briefly and you quickly took it from me, shoving it on the shelf. It was photos of your time with your mom."

My eyes widened as Edward continued to tell his story. I remembered that night- I was feeling a little down after picking up my dress. Having Esme by my side, Esme who was very maternal towards me, really did make me wish Renee were there. She always talked about going dress shopping with me. Her wedding to Phil was simple, justice of the peace, similar to her wedding with Charlie; they originally wanted to go to Mexico but they were in a hurry because Phil had to get to a game. She did wear a simple, gorgeous white gown though. She'd mention that she'd have to wait until my wedding to look at dresses. When I got home, I had the urge to look at the one photo album I kept of Renee and me. I thought I felt his presence but when I turned around there was no one in the doorway, though I did hear the piano playing a couple minutes later.

"I thought I felt you there. I came and found you at the piano."

"You did and we ended up making love. You were very needy that night."

"I was. I needed you to make up for the emptiness I felt that night. Wait a minute," I shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

How did we go from me being hurt and looking for answers to me confessing my need for my mother and needing him to fill that void?

"No, no, this is not how this conversation is supposed to go," I huffed, placing my hand on my hip. "You're supposed to be groveling and begging for my forgiveness. You're supposed to be in the doghouse."

"Put me in the doghouse, Bella," he shrugged with a small smirk. "You're the one who ends up relenting first anyway. I find it sexy that you want me that much."

I closed my eyes to avoid being sucked into him. I needed to refocus. I scooted off his lap to the other side of the sofa, needing the space.

"Okay, let's get back on track here. How did you go from photo album/piano lovemaking night to sending her a letter and flying her here?"

"Charlie. He wanted to know how everything was going so I told him and I may have brought up the photo album. He said he wasn't surprised you miss her. He then proceeded to explain how he'd wished that the two of you would make up, how you'd never forgive yourself if you got married and she wasn't there." I listened intently as he talked and picked at the imaginary fuzz on the sofa. "She hurt you, I know that. You told me and I can see it everytime you cry when you talk about her, but those tears prove that you're not over it. And the only way to do that is to hash it out."

"Edward, you may have a point, but…"

"Ah, ah, let me finish. You had your turn, now it's mine," he eyed me. I rolled my eyes and shut my mouth.
"You can try talking about it with Gianna, but until you hear the other side of the story you can't get past it. And you might as well do it while you can. Do you really want to deal with this, years down the road, when she pops up unannounced?"

"Oh, you mean like today?"

"Well, it wasn't unannounced for all of us, just you," he mentioned, smiling crookedly.

"That's not funny, Edward," I chided.

"Charlie and Sue convinced me to do it. I was scared, I've seen your wrath. By the way you need to stop hanging out with Rose, she's rubbing off on you too much."

I held back a snort and shook my head instead. Why is that we can't ever have a serious conversation without throwing in jokes here and there? Or getting distracted?

"But then I sat down and started writing, telling her about me. The more I wrote, the more I realized I wanted to tell her about you, about us and I wanted her here to share this moment with us. She's a part of you, Bella, whether you like it or not. Is there really so much damage done that you could never forgive her?"

I looked down at my lap and thought about his question.

As pissed and hurt as I've been by Renee, there is a part of me that still wants her in my life or at least deal with this issue. Most people would say fuck her, but I couldn't. I know, too, that this is not the week to forgive and forget because too much time has passed to have it to be all kittens and rainbows in just a couple of days.

I was getting married in five days. I couldn't be worrying about all this stuff. In the grand scheme of things, the only thing that mattered this week was Edward and I. I'd finally found the man I loved more than anything and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. If things between Renee and I were ever supposed to be mended, then the pieces would eventually all fall into place. Until that happened, I could tolerate her for the sake of Edward and Alexis, as well as my family and friends.
As for Edward tonight…

"You're still in the doghouse. I hope you know that," I glared.

"Yeah," he sighed, rubbing his face. "Is there a time frame on this punishment?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," I smirked, standing up and swaying my hips as I walked away. I giggled when I heard him groan behind me.

This is going to be fun.