I don't know how I made it home safely. My hands were shaking from all the nerves and the anticipation of seeing Edward again. I turned the ignition off and ran up the stairs to my apartment. I tripped once, but got back up, trying to ignore the bleeding scrape that was now on my shin. I unlocked the door, closing and locking it behind me. I threw my keys on the counter, along with my purse, and headed for the bathroom.
The moment I stepped under the warm water, I could feel the muscles in my back slowly relax as the water flowed down. Knowing I didn't have much time, I spent less than ten minutes in the shower, but I already felt a little better. Stepping out, I ran the towel through my hair then wrapped it around my body. I walked into my bedroom, turning on my iPod, and the beautiful voice of Colbie Caillait sang out:
I found a boy who had a dream
Making everyone smile
He was sunshine
I fell over my feet
Like bricks underwater
Listening to the lyrics, I found myself getting a little teary, but I swiped the ones that escaped away quickly.
We were going to talk and everything would be okay. I was sure there was a perfectly good reason why he acted the way he did last night. There was no reason to be sad. He would explain everything, I knew he would. We couldn't move forward unless he laid everything on the table.
I changed into a pair of comfy sleep pants and a tank. If Edward and I were going to have this conversation, I didn't want to feel constricted by my clothes. I walked back into my bathroom as the song was coming to an end, grabbing my brush. I knew I didn't have time to blow dry my hair, so Edward would see me with full on curls today. I added a little mousse and then flipped my hair over as I scrunched it.
Flipping my head back over, I heard the knock on the door and it made me jump. The nerves had disappeared until that moment, but they were back in an instant, hitting me like a ton of bricks. I felt nauseous; my stomach was all in knots.
I turned the light and my iPod off, and then headed for the door. I took a deep breath before unlocking and opening it. The moment I saw his glorious face, I let out that gush of air. I felt my shoulders suddenly relax with one look into his eyes. There was pain and sadness, but there was also hope and adoration. He looked like he hadn't slept all night...face scruffy and bags under his eyes.
"Hi," I greeted him softly.
"Hi," he replied, giving me his crooked grin.
All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, make him forget about the pain he was feeling, but I wasn't sure if that would be okay.
Who was I kidding? When had I ever done things by the book with Edward?
I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I held onto him like he was my lifeline and the second he slid his arms around my waist, lifting me off the ground, he held me the same way.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he softly repeated over and over again in my ear. "So..so...sorry."
"Stop," I said into his neck. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I blame the wine," I joked. I could feel him chuckle quietly against my hair.
"Damn, you smell good," he complimented.
"Thanks, so do you. I took a quick shower before you got here."
"Weren't you already here?" he asked, pulling his head back to look at me.
"No, I spent the night at Alice's. I just didn't want to be alone," I told him.
"I'm sorry..."
"Stop," I said, placing my finger over his mouth. "No more apologizing, you understand?"
He gently kissed my finger. "Yes, I understand. Can I come in though?"
I looked around; we were still standing in the hall outside my door.
"Oh, yeah, come on in," I said, wiggling down his body to stand.
He loosened his grip, but the minute I was standing on my own two feet he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side.
"I wasn't sure if you would call," he told me as we walked into the family room and took a seat on the sofa.
"Why wouldn't I call, Edward? I just needed some time to think and get an outsiders point of view. Plus, once the wine was out of my system things started to make a little more sense," I smiled.
"Yeah, I know what you mean about an outsiders point of view," he commented.
Edward was quiet for a couple of minutes just staring into my eyes. If this was anyone else, I would have averted my attention after a couple of seconds, feeling uncomfortable, but Edward's eyes just sucked me in and I couldn't look away.
"Bella..." he started, averting his eyes down my body, "what did you do?"
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Your leg is bleeding and it's coming through the fabric," he said, grabbing my leg and pulling it onto his lap.
"Oh, I was kind of in a rush to get up the stairs and I fell. It's not a big deal," I explained, keeping my eyes on his face as he pulled the pant leg up.
"Bella, you need to properly clean this," he said, as I felt his fingers move around my leg.
I instantly felt those sparks when his fingertips touched my skin.
"Where's your first aid kit?"
"In the medicine cabinet," I told him, pointing down the hall.
"I'll be right back, don't move," he pointed, standing up.
I watched him disappear down the hall.
Of course my stupid, bleeding scrape would interrupt our talk. Damn clumsiness, but hey, I was getting the Dr. to treat me. Maybe I should hurt myself more often, I thought as a smile appeared on my face.
Edward came back with the first aid kit.
"What are you smiling about?" he asked, sitting next to me and pulling my leg into his lap again.
"I thought I'd never be treated by you," I said as he started to wipe the blood with an alcoholic wipe.
I hissed as it stung. Edward leaned in and blew warm air over the cut. Goosebumps appeared all over my arms and I felt my panties get a little wet.
Dr. DILF treating me was much more of a turn on then I ever thought. This man was just sex on legs. Snap out of it, Bella! This was not the time to be thinking about sex. We had to talk. He had to explain what happened last night.
"Only you would think something like that, Miss I-faint-at-the-sight-of-blood," Edward joked, before putting on a serious face. "How are you doing? The blood isn't making you woozy or anything?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in concern.
"No, I'm fine," I mumbled, taking deep breaths as I stared at his profile.
I needed to think of something else besides the blood. He looked so serious when he was in doctor mode. It was really cute to watch his forehead scrunch up. Then there was that jaw line of his, it was like someone chiseled it to perfection. Oh, how I wanted to kiss it right then.
"Alright, you're all bandaged up," he said, smoothing the Band-Aid over my leg and snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," I said, removing my leg from his lap.
Edward's face dropped when I pulled my leg away, but if we were going to have this talk, I needed to put some space between us. Otherwise, my thoughts would consist of how easy it'd be to straddle his hips, especially since my leg was already on his lap. I curled my legs under my body, resting one hand on my ankle and the other bent on the back of the sofa, my head resting in my hand. He laid his arm on the back of the sofa as well, slightly brushing it up against my elbow, pulling one leg under the other.
"What happened last night, Edward? Did I move too fast? Did I spook you?" I asked, worried.
"No, like I said-it was all my fault. You did nothing wrong, you were just going off my lead," he told me. "Bella, I'm scared to tell you this because I don't want you to take it the wrong way. You know that I like you...a lot? That you've changed my life for the better?"
I nodded.
Edward let out a gush of air.
"Bella, last night I wanted to take things further. Not necessarily on the couch, but you know what I mean. Things were going great...you were all I could think about. I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, but all of a sudden, Tanya's face popped into my head."
My head snapped back and my eyes went wide.
What did he just say? Did he just say that he thought about his dead wife while we were making out? Don't overreact, Bella, remember that he cares about you
"You might want to continue with that sentence," I said disappointed, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Bella," he pleaded, pulling my arms away and holding onto my hands. "Lately, her face has been popping into my head when we make out."
I tried to pull my hands out of his grasp, but he wouldn't let go.
"You aren't making things better," I croaked. I could feel the tears start to prick at my eyes.
No, I would not cry. I had to rein it in. I bit my bottom lip with as much force as I could.
"Bella, please don't jump to conclusions. Just let me explain," he said, rubbing his thumbs along the back of my hands. "Remember when you told me last week that your head was confused?"
Again, I nodded. I wasn't sure if the word yes would come out of my mouth if I had spoken or if it'd be all the other inappropriate words that I'm sure I'd regret saying running through my mind.
"Well, it seems my head is messing with me too. Bella, you're slowly capturing my heart and I don't think it likes it," he told me, squeezing my hands.
Edward stopped, pausing for a moment. I knew by the look on his face that it pained him to tell me all of this. He was ashamed that he was having these thoughts. I wanted to touch his face, comfort him, and show him I understood, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
He'd been thinking about his dead wife when we're together.
"Sometimes, when I'm out with you...I feel guilty, like I'm cheating on Tanya, but then I think...why should I feel guilty? Tanya would want me to move on. She'd be happy I found someone who brings both Lexi and I love, joy and happiness. I shouldn't beat myself up because I'm thinking and caring about someone else."
Edward's eyes were glistening with tears.
My sympathetic side got the best of me and, for the second time today, I threw my arms around him, pulling him close to me. Edward held onto me tight.
In the end, I knew I couldn't be upset with him for thinking about his dead wife.
As I held onto him, trying to show him that I wasn't going anywhere, that I wasn't giving up on us...my mind began to wander. The lyrics to Coldplay's "Fix You" popped into my head.
And the tears came streaming down on your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
"So, how do we fix the problem?" I asked softly when he loosened his grip.
"Is your head still confused about us?"
"No," I stated. "After Sunday my head is sure about you, about us."
"What about your heart?" he asked, placing a kiss on the inside of my wrist.
"I think my heart is yours," I told him, looking down at my lap.
Edward hooked his finger under my chin and lifted it so I was looking into his emerald green eyes.
"I want you, Bella. I want us. This, right here," he said, placing my hand over his heart, "is sure about you, about us. Ninety-nine percent of the time, my head is sure about you too, but that one-percent kept holding me back."
"What do you mean 'kept' holding you back?"
"I can't ever forget about my wife, Bella. She'll always be apart of me. Hell, Alexis is a constant reminder of her, but there comes a time when I have to do what's right for me. I know she'd want me to move on and I've had plenty of opportunities, but none of them felt right. That is...until I met you. You knocked the wind out of me the first time I met you, and you continue to amaze me. Like today, I thought this talk was going to be awkward from the beginning, but then you jumped into my arms and made all the awkwardness go away. I realized last night after you left, that I'm ready. I want you, I want us. I'm falling for you, Isabella Swan," he told me, placing his hands on either side of my face.
"Oh, Edward," I cried.
"No, that wasn't supposed to make you cry," he said concerned.
"These aren't sad tears. You don't know what that means to hear you say that." I pulled my bottom lip in-between my teeth and sniffed. "I'm falling for you too, Edward."
Edward slowly leaned in and asked softly, "You are?"
He moved a little closer, nuzzling into my neck, gliding the tip of his nose along my skin making me shiver.
"Falling for what, Bella?" he murmured, pressing his glorious lips against my skin. I tilted my head to give him better access as he continued to place kisses.
"Falling for..." I started, but couldn't finish as my mind thought about his hands and where they were going on my body.
His hands slid along my collarbone, curved around my shoulders and felt their way down my arms, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. His hands grabbed my hips and he pulled me closer to him, and I let out a small gasp. I hadn't expected him to take so much control, but his mouth continued to attack my neck with open mouthed kisses. He nibbled and sucked on my ear lobe before kissing just behind my ear, and I moaned as the sensation went all the way down to my toes.
He kissed his way up my neck and along my jaw. In-between, he murmured, "I want you, Bella. I want you so much." He placed kisses on the apple of my cheeks, my forehead, my eyelids, and my nose before hovering over my lips.
"I've always wanted you, Bella," he said again, his voice low and husky.
I moaned as he pressed his lips against mine, whimpering when he pulled back.
"I want to touch you all over," he said with another kiss, then pulled back.
"I want to feel your soft skin under my fingers." His hands squeezed my sides.
"You do?" I moaned.
My skin was burning with desire and my panties were getting uncomfortably wet.
"You have no idea," he said, pulling me into his lap as his lips captured mine once again, but this time he didn't pull away.
The kiss was rough, but full of passion. I slid my arms around his neck, digging my hands in his hair, holding his face to mine. He slipped his tongue in the moment he felt an opening. Our tongues danced together, his taking the lead, and I moaned into his mouth. My hips bucked and he groaned when I moved over his erection. He reached to hold my hips still, slowly rubbing his thumbs back and forth over my sides. I squirmed a little and I felt him smile against my lips. Edward took my bottom lip in-between his teeth gently, pulling on it as he leaned back.
"Bella, I want to show you how you make me feel," he said in his husky voice. "Please let me show you."
Edward was asking for my permission. He wanted to make sure I was okay with this. As if he didn't already know my answer.
"Mmm, yes...show me, Edward," I told him breathless.
All of a sudden, we were no longer sitting. I was being cradled in Edward's arms as he carried me to the bedroom. While he was preoccupied watching where he was going, I took the opportunity to repay him for all the kisses. I kissed along that chiseled jaw of his.
Finally. It was just as good as I imagined it would be. I loved when he was all scruffy like that.
I slowly made my way down his neck; placing open mouth kisses along his skin. It turned out Edward had the same sweet spot as I did. I heard him groan as I began to suck and kiss just behind his ear.
Edward gently laid me down in the middle of bed, kicking off his shoes. He moved his body over mine, once again staring into my eyes. I could only assume he was making sure this was what I wanted and that there were no questions going through my mind. He wouldn't find any questions; my only thoughts were of Edward and how much he meant to me, how much I wanted him.I placed my hands on either side of his face, looking back and forth from his eyes to his mouth before pressing my lips to his. Even though I'd been waiting for the moment pretty much since I met him, I wanted to take my time. I wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as possible, but it seemed like my libido had something else in mind
Edward's left hand moved up and down my side, lifting my tank up so he could feel my skin. His hand slid across my abdomen and I felt my muscles tighten at his touch. He moved his lips away and I whimpered from the loss of contact but his lips were on my skin instantly. He kissed his way down my neck, nibbling on my ear before finding my sweet spot, and I moaned.
Edward leaned back on his legs and lifted my tank up. I sat up to help him. I heard a sensual groan from him when he saw my bare breasts, throwing my tank to the side.
I smiled, biting my bottom lip and looking up at him through my lashes.
He gave a guttural groan as he lowered his body back over mine, pressing his hardness into me.
He lowered his mouth to kiss and suck gently on my right breast, as he rolled and pinched my other nipple with his fingers. I gasped as my back arched towards his still-clothed chest.
"Oh, Edward," I moaned.
I slid my hands under his shirt and ran my nails along the contours of his back muscles. He groaned around my breast and delicious vibrations spread straight to my core. I slid my right foot up and down the back of his leg. I knew we both needed to be naked, like now, feeling like I'd explode if we didn't get naked immediately. I tugged on his shirt and he pulled away long enough to take it off. He kissed a trail down my stomach, continuing to grab and pinch my nipple while his other hand moved up and down my side, setting my body on fire.
"You're so beautiful, Bella," he said against my stomach.
"Edward," I moaned.
He leaned back against his legs as he moved his hands to my pants hooking his fingers on both sides and gently pulling them and my panties down.
I lay there in front of Edward, completely naked for the first time, and I closed my eyes, taking in the moment.
He leaned forward, kissing his way up my leg. I felt the heat rising in my core as his face got closer and closer, but he pulled away when he reached the top of my thigh. He traced the same lazy trail up my other leg, stopping to press his lips on my hipbone before moving across my lower stomach to the other side. His kissed his way up to the valley between my breasts. He brought his chest up to press into mine and my breaths quickened; my chest rose, touching his more and more. His lips touched mine, but only briefly.
"Bella," he said, "look at me, beautiful."
I opened my eyes and looked directly into his deep, green depths.
"Please, don't close your eyes to me. I love looking into those amazing, chocolate brown eyes and trying to figure out what you're thinking. Sometimes I wish I could read your mind." He smiled.
"Oh, I'm sure you'd love to read my mind right now," I smiled seductively.
"What are you thinking right now?" he asked in-between placing kisses along my collarbone.
"It isn't fair that I'm naked and you still have your shorts on."
"Well, that can be remedied easily."
He knelt back again, moving his hands to his pants but I grabbed them in mine.
"Allow me," I said, sitting up.
I undid the button and slowly lowered the zipper. I grabbed onto the sides, hooking my finger in the elastic of his underwear, pulling both his shorts and his underwear down at the same time. He stood up to let them pool around his feet. The moment I saw him, I gasped; he was bigger than what I was used to, and beautiful. Edward must have noticed the worry in my eyes because he was instantly at my side.
"Bella, what's wrong? We don't have to do this if you're not ready," he said, running his fingers through my hair, placing a kiss on my forehead.
"No, Edward, I'm ready. You're just..." I started to say as my cheeks went bright red.
Edward gave me that sexy smirk, and I'm sure he knew what I was talking about.
"You're just perfect...everywhere. You are like some Greek God, absolutely gorgeous. I mean, look at you," I said, referencing his body with my hand. "Do you have any flaws?"
Edward chuckled. "We're lying in your bed naked and you want to know if I have any flaws?"
"Yes."
"I have plenty of flaws, Bella. I'm by no means perfect, but do you really want me to tell you all of them? I think that might put a damper on the mood," he said, crashing his lips to mine.
"Good point," I mumbled, against his lips.
My fingers found themselves tangled in Edward's hair and our tongues moved together like the waves of the ocean. He moved his body in-between my legs stroking himself along my slick center.
"You're so wet, beautiful."
I knew at that moment that I was ready for him and for us to move forward in our relationship.
"I'm ready, Edward, I'm ready," I whispered into his ear, as he placed hot, wet kisses up and down my neck.
He slowly pressed into me. He paused, hovering over me and running his fingers along the side of my face as he stared into my eyes, waiting for me to get comfortable. He swiped away a tear that I didn't know had fallen. I knew the tears were for the moment, not from the pain. I'd never felt this strongly for someone before."Are you okay, beautiful?" he asked, brushing his nose against mine.
"Yes, just go slowly, please."
He nodded his head as I reveled in the slow movement of having him inside me. I slid my arms under his, grasping onto his shoulders and I moved my hips to meet his thrusts. He brought his lips to mine and we moved together with incredible passion and desire.
Our kisses were never the same; each one was made different by the way we felt at the time. His tongue was doing a number of different things...flicking and massaging, his teeth gently nipping. If you thought about it, there were hundreds of different types of kisses and ways to kiss your significant other.
In this moment, I'd never felt closer to Edward. It was as if last night's humiliating incident never happened. The talk we had today was just like any other talk, one that moved our relationship forward in the right direction. I was upset when he told me about his thoughts of Tanya, but this right here, just the two of us connecting intimately, made all the anger go away. I knew I couldn't fault him for having those thoughts, because they were only natural. He was mine now, and no memory could change that.
"You're so tight, Bella," he groaned into my mouth. "Feels so good."
"Oh my God, Edward- it's perfect, just so perfect," I muttered.
I felt the tension begin to build and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me with each thrust. With this new position, Edward went deeper, hitting a new spot and making me feel like I'd died and gone to heaven. I could feel my eyes roll back in my head from this new pleasure.
"Damn, Bella!" he grunted.
"Oh, right there, Edward," I said breathless, circling my hips around him.
I ran my hands up and down his back, grasping onto his muscles as they flexed and contracted under my fingers. Our bodies were both covered in sweat and I knew neither of us would last much longer.
"Faster, Edward. I need you to go faster," I moaned.
It was like he'd been waiting for me to give the command. His breaths became more ragged against my neck as he slammed his hips into mine, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck.
"Come for me, Bella," he commanded. "I want to feel you come for me."
He slid his hand down to rub and then pinch my clit, and I whimpered from the pleasure and pressure. I felt my walls clench around him and my body writhed beneath him.
"Oh, God, Edward!" I exclaimed as I experienced what seemed like the best orgasm of my life. My fingers tugged and pulled on his hair as I rode out my ecstasy.
"Bella, you're so beautiful!" he yelled as he stopped thrusting and exploded inside of me.
"We belong together, you and me," he murmured placing kisses all over my face as we rode out our orgasms. "You're so perfect, Bella."
Edward pulled out, and I immediately felt the loss in my entire being. I felt whole with him inside of me. He rolled us over onto our sides, kissing and pulling me close to his chest. I wrapped my arm around his back and nuzzled my head under his chin.
We laid there like that for a couple of minutes before I felt Edward's chest rise and lower more slowly. I pulled my head back just a bit and smiled when I saw that he was asleep. I reached for the blanket and pulled it over our naked bodies. I snuggled back to him and fell asleep.
~~~~~~
"Mmm, that was the best dream ever," I mumbled, stretching my arms.
I felt the draft when the blanket slipped. I looked down to see I was naked.
It wasn't a dream? Edward and I actually had sex?
I looked to my right to find Edward lying next to me in all his glory. My eyes glazed over as I thought about what was at the end of that V-shaped line covered by the blanket. I could feel myself already getting wet. I tore my eyes away and moved my gaze up over his toned chest to his face, where there was the sweetest smile. His left hand was under his head.
I looked over at the clock, it was after five already. I couldn't believe I'd slept for so long. I wasn't one to take naps in the afternoon, but if Edward was lying next to me, I could definitely get into them. I rolled over and molded myself into his side, laying my head on his chest and closing my eyes as his left arm curled around my back. I smiled as I fell back asleep.
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